How do I help my depressed husband get back down from a fit of rage? Any suggestions would be so appreciated!
My husband is in the armed forces and has been suffereing from depression for years. He’s getting a bit of help but I am not! most of the time I can bring him round again but sometimes he flies into a fit of rage and I just don’t know how to help him ! He is not a violent man at all, in fact he’s a real gentle giant so it upsets him even more when he gets like this. Because of his job he is not taking any medication except St John’s Wart but is struggling to control his temper which is not like him! the slightest thing that stresses him sets off a whole pattern of behaviour and lately it’s been turning to uncontrolable rage , which afterwards makes him feel even more depressed and worthless than usual and now it’s starting to get me down too, although I am very positive that one day it will get better! Any ideas?
September 2nd, 2010 at 5:38 pm
you asking the wrong people we cant help. Seriously, you need to pray let Jesus take care of him, and if you have already which you were prob. already thinking. understand that the situation is not about you so God may be putting him through something to make him better for himself
September 2nd, 2010 at 6:15 pm
see if you can get him to get any help beyond what he is already getting. if he is in the armed forces they may have a whole list of resources to help him out. he may need just that extra bit. untill you can find out about that extra help, see if you can tell exactly what is setting him off. is there a certain thing in the news that seems to be going on right when he goes off the handle? or a particular subject someone mentions? has their been any other dramatic change in your life? a death? a marraige? he may be harboring stress about something but doesnt know that you are willing to listen and help him out. if you can spot what triggers it, you will know to avoid it, or you can bring it up to someone who can give you an appropriate long term solution to the problem. because you cant avoid the news. believe me, ive tried. but if you can get him to learn how to handle himself when the trigger shows up, he will be much better off. breathing exercises may help calm him down, i use them when i have panic attacks. i hope i helped, and good luck!
September 2nd, 2010 at 7:06 pm
I would send him to the Doctors to talk about anger management. He certainly can’t carry on like this and neither can you I would imagine. Also, for his own future, he will find it hard to work anywhere when he leaves the forces if he cannot control his temper. He needs to get to the source of his depression and find out ways of treating it if he cannot take anti-depressents. Sometimes, people get into a routine of behaviour and eventually is accepted – he needs to get out of this rage behaviour and look for coping mechanisms when he feels things getting the better of him. You sound very supportive – I would imagine this is getting you down and possibly is extremely frightening for you.
September 2nd, 2010 at 8:03 pm
Regular exercise, something he considers fun, can help with depression. Unfortunately St. John’s Wort only helps with mild depression. It is very likely your husband may need some meds to help him get through this period. Believe it or not diet can make a difference too. If he likes fish, start having him it more of it or take a fish oil supplement. The Omega 3 EFAs have been shown to improve mood. There are other foods that can help or hinder his condition, so I suggest you do a little research on nutrition.
From my own experience, I have noticed my mood is better since I stopped eating grains and beans and started eating mostly fresh, unprocessed foods.
September 2nd, 2010 at 8:26 pm
it’s his job, because he cant release the stress when he is there, he is ‘bottleing’ it all up and when he gets home he can release it and he just looses it!
maybe a holiday or some time away is the best answer.
September 2nd, 2010 at 9:23 pm
Have you considered that your husband may have PTSD? Has he been in situations with work that may have affected him? Many people in the forces refuse to seek help for fear of being taken off active duty, but his health, and yours is more important than any job or career. Here’s some info on PTSD, I hope it helps.
Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a debilitating condition that can develop following a terrifying event. Often, people with PTSD have persistent frightening thoughts and memories of their ordeal and feel emotionally numb, especially with people they were once close to. PTSD was first brought to public attention by war veterans, but it can result from any number of traumatic incidents. These include violent attacks such as mugging, rape or torture; being kidnapped or held captive; child abuse; serious accidents such as car or train wrecks; and natural disasters such as floods or earthquakes. The event that triggers PTSD may be something that threatened the person’s life or the life of someone close to him or her. Or it could be something witnessed, such as massive death and destruction after a building is bombed or a plane crashes.
PTSD victims are never able to quite “forget” the event which traumatized them. They think/dream about it intermittently throughout their waking (and sleeping) hours and often feel persecuted by their inability to repress the recurrent distressing images.
Short and long term effects can include:
Nightmares
Persistent daily thoughts
Persistent memories
Flashbacks
Emotional problems
Emotionally numbness
Detachment
Trouble feeling affectionate
Startling easily
Irritability
Aggression
Losing interest
Feelings of intense guilt
Physical symptoms
Headaches
Gastrointestinal complaints
Immune system problems
Dizziness
Chest pain
Body aches
Social problems
Sleep problems
This is a very real condition, and is becoming more recognised in the legal world. Consider getting some good medical, and legal advice.
I wish you well.
September 2nd, 2010 at 10:06 pm
Many personnel in the military take anti depressants and go to therapy and continue to keep their jobs and excel. Better to calmly go and get help and put this behind you; than to have treatment ordered because he has “freaked out” and done something to halt his career. Also, this is not fair to you, your family or to him to suffer one more day. He needs to be grown up about this and go to sick parade and calmly tell them he needs help with depression.
September 2nd, 2010 at 10:16 pm
From what you said about your husband being in the armed forces and not being able to take prescription meds because of his job, I would assume that he has a job as a pilot?
Anyway, what your husband needs to really, seriously consider is whether his job or his life is more important to him. I know, because I am a private pilot, that for a lot of people who fly for a living, their job IS their life. But your husband needs to look, really seriously, at what depression is doing to him: he could be one explosive episode away from hurting himself or someone else and screwing up his life forever. For sure he isn’t doing his relationship with you any good– how long are you willing to tolerate this kind of behavior? You don’t say if you have kids together. If you do, what is this doing to them?
Your husband needs to get a medical assessment and needs to follow the directions the doctor gives him, without regard for what that does to his job. I know that’s an easy thing to say, but might be terrifically hard to do.
If this is a flight status issue, what your husband might do is contact the Aircraft Owners and Pilots Association (AOPA) medical help line. If he’s not a member of the AOPA, he can join for about $45/year, and this gives him access to some tremendous medical resources. I don’t know how much being in the military figures in his problems with medical treatment, but I’d be willing to bet that someone at AOPA can give him some advice.
St. John’s Wort has not been shown to be effective for severe clinical depression. It’s like putting a band-aid on a cancer: it just isn’t going to help. Your husband needs to get serious about taking treatment for his condition.
Good luck to you.