Answers to Everyday Questions : What are the symptoms of mid-life ?

Midlife is generally marked by a sense of control, competence and productivity. Research has found that only about 25 per cent of all those in midlife experience a midlife crisis and for many of them age was not a factor. It really is not your age that predicts your stress level rather it is the events that take place at each age that contribute to your crisis. You can cope with these if you have the right attitude in life. It never is too late and you can start now. Depending on your unique experience of midlife, you can expect some or all of the following conditions.

You feel dissatisfied with life: Now what? I have not achieved anything in life; I have just wasted it away. You may be besieged by some, if not all, of these thoughts. In the first half of your life you have a goal which you strive towards and accomplish it. It could be a good education, an interesting job, a perfect home, and a loving family. At midlife this same drive might dissipate into boredom, restlessness, dullness, and discontent. You may realize that your goal has never really been meaningful at all. You want to change everything that you once so badly wanted. So what do you do? Start again, form new goals for yourself now. If one phase of your life is over, the other has started now. Think about what you want from life at this point of time and start again.

You feel disoriented: You begin to feel lost and confused as to where your life is headed. You seem to have lost your previous identity and your goals. Your children, so far the centre of your life, have grown up and left. Thus you feel you don’t have a purpose. Who are you and what do you do now? You begin to search for your identity. Remember that this disorientation is a natural part of the temporary transition, as you begin to search for what you want – new identities, aims and goals. Do not repress your needs and desires. If there is something that you have wanted to do all your life go ahead and do it now. Strive, think and then go and get it.

You feel that you no longer look and feel young: Ageing is irreversible and beyond your control. But what is in your control is the fact that you do not let it bother you. Try to enjoy every phase of your life. Ageing can be blissful if you want it to be. Realize the fact that with age comes experience and wisdom. Besides, all your life you have lived for your children, now is the time to live for yourself. There is another side to your personality one that you have been suppressing all this while. Let it out, get to know this other person inside you, experience inner beauty and humility. Be optimistic about life and there will be no stopping you.

You begin to realize that your youth has ended: Accept the fact and realize that time moves on and we grow. Instead of seeing the innumerable advantages that life has to offer at this stage, you want to hold on to your youth – the one aspect that you feel has given you all the joy and happiness in life. Insecurity about the future is natural but the fact is that you have to move on and face your life and world with optimism. Gather all the positive energy that you possibly can and get ahead in life. Famous psychologist Carl Jung has rightly said: “Nobody seems to consider that not being able to grow old is just as absurd as not being able to outgrow a child’s size shoes.” Try to set aside youths shortcomings: its naivety, its impatience and its pressures. You are now mature, knowledgeable, wise and experienced. You are a wiser person who has the tools and the knowledge to handle situations better, and so you move ahead. See what life has in store for you and you will be pleasantly surprised.” You are aware of all your limitations: By middle age you are aware of your shortcomings and limitations. You realize that it is impossible to fulfill all your aspirations with regard to your family, career, personal development etc. You feel disappointed about the past and may even feel a sense of sorrow. But why must you constantly remind yourself of your shortcomings? Try to think of all that you have accomplished in your life and you will feel good. Why do you let negativism take over your life? All you have to do is think positively and what all can you do with your life now. Find new goals for yourself, take pride in your accomplishments and be a mentor to the younger generation.

You begin to feel a change in your mood: You might become withdrawn, emotionally low, irrational, and feel depressed. What you have to do is figure out what is it that is making you feel like this. Find the root cause of this emotional downfall. Deal with it and move on. Most often you turn your mood and feelings inward and withdraw from the world. If you do need time out, why don’t you get away from your surroundings and take a break. A change of surroundings and environment will give you a newfound inner peace and happiness.

You fear a sexual diminishment: Men worry that they will lose their potency during this phase of life. To confirm their sexuality, or simply to look attractive as their youth fades, men and women dye their hair, buy a wardrobe, which suggests vitality, and often have an affair with a younger person. This fear is largely unfounded as many people are sexually active past midlife. An added bonus is that you will not be saddled with an unwanted pregnancy. Learn to find new and meaningful ways to satisfy each other’s needs. Remember you are still the same person you were 10 years back.

Midlife can be fun, worth living and has a lot in store for you. It is all up to you. Just head out with a positive attitude and you will be a happy person. After all, age has enriched your life with myriad experiences, problems, and solutions. You are at a stage where these experiences will be valued and appreciated. So concentrate on sharing your wisdom, your joys and sorrows, your failures and successes with others and you will be happy.