A question about my extremely depressed sister..?
This is pretty long but I really need somebody to read this……………………………….
I’m 18 years old, and my sister is 16. You could say were COMPLETE opposites. My sister has always been overweight. And once she got into highschool, kids started to pick on her. She came from a little school with about 40 kids, to a huge school with about 3,000.
Anyways, half way into her freshmen year, she became extremely depressed. My parents decided to move her to a different public school. She was only in there for a few weeks then decided she wanted to become homeschoole.
This only lasted for about 2 months because of finacial issues. However, my sister REFUSED to go back to our highschool. She would cry her eyes out and lock herself in the bathroom. Tell my mom (who has a HUGE heart and hates to see her kids hurting) how mean they are to her.
She pretty much has not been to school since then (she should be in 10th grade right now, about to go into 11th this comin up fall).
She started going to curves about a year ago. Started loosing a lot of weight and feeling better about herself. But then she slipped up. And wouldn’t go back because she thought they would make fun of her.
Thats when she started to do NOTHING. Stay inside all day long. Cry. She didn’t want to talk to any of her friends because she was scared to dissapoint them. She said they were so proud she lost so much weight, but she gained it back.
This started about a year ago I suppose.
About 6months ago, we got a new membership to a really highclass gym paid by my grandparents. She started loosing weight quickly again. She was proud, so began using laxatives to make her loose even MORE weight (I mean to the point of pooping in her pants in her sleep).
She still wasn’t loosing weight enough fast enough as she liked. She began OBBSESSED over walking around our kitchen. I mean if ANYTHING was in her path, she would freak out. If someone stopped her, she woul get extremely pissed. She will NOT walk if doors or windows are open. Even if they are a room in the house where nobody can see her. She will throw a temper tantrum.
She began cutting after this. If she couldn’t go to the gym, she will cut. She has got a knife and cut right in front of me and my mother. All the way around her wrists (deep too). She has beat herself up before (literally, banging her head against a wall.)
She always says she is so fat, nobody will ever kiss her, she will never have a boyfriend.
She has some jealousy towards me. When I was at the highschool, I had a lot of friends, was and still am in a long term serious relationship, and am physically fit and attractive.
Everytime I try to help her, she thinks I’m being mean. She thinks I don’t mean it and I don’t care. It really upsets me how she can say this. She has this anger built up towards me. Sometimes it gets so bad she’s screaming and throwing things at my mother. Hitting her. My mom does NOT have the heart to hit her back.
I actually once, had to punch her because she was saying some really MEAN things to my mom and pushing her aroun. She blames her problems on my mother.
Now, my parents have looked around for help. We don’t have much money. My grandparents do however. But my grandma is the type of person who does not believe we need medicine and we are who we are. (She is an extreme Southern Baptist.)
I don’t see why my parents don’t just get the balls to tell them about my sisters problems. They would help out with the money so much.
(My grandma and mother dont have too goo of a relationship, when my mom was growing up, my grandma had some MAJOR horomone problems)
Anyways..
What should I do about this…?
I’m scared one day I’m going to find her dead…
fishfreak?: i have done this. she doesn’t believe it. i’ve tried inviting her to do many things with me, but she doesn’t want anybody to see her.
fishfreak?: i have done this. she doesn’t believe it. i’ve tried inviting her to do many things with me, but she doesn’t want anybody to see her.
I don’t go to school, I graduated early. My parents are just going to wait until she can get her GED because they can go to jail. I have no idea how my parents can just sit around and watch this go on… I know they care… but its gone too far…
OH and thank everyone for their input.. I just really need to talk about this.
Amanda H: Now that you mention control, that makes a lot more sense. I’m going to talk to my mom about this later on today. I’m going to the mall with my grandma later and might just bring it up.
Its just my grandma blames EVERYTHING on my mom. She even said we sucked on our binky so long because she gave us too much milk (lol:P)
I’m just very concerned about her, and if nobody else will step in and do something about it, I will. Even if she calls me all these bad names and is mean. I don’t care.
To its better this way: I’m sorry you went through this too… I’m one of those kind of people who can be strict and sweet at the same time.. my mother has TOO much heart I think.. she will take the abuse. My dad just comes home from work and pretty much ignores it.. its sad really. Almost everytime I’ve tried to talk to her, she just refuses to think I’m trying to help. There have been a few occasions I have cheered her up, but it wasn’t one of the ‘bad’ times, if that makes any sense.
To Clips: We are not low income persay, my mom just has a spending problem and we are always in the red. My grandma pays for our gym memberships.
My parents do not make my sister do anything. They don’t discipline her. They said its okay because she has a problem. Like if my sister is yelling at my mother, and I tell her to stop, my parents get mad, and tell me its okay because she has problems. I do NOT see how that is helping, in my eyes, it makes things worse because she knows she can do this and not get in trouble.
I’m her sister, not brother 😛
&To yohisto..?sorry i dont rememer it now lol: you are completely correct….
June 4th, 2011 at 11:03 pm
she need therapy for sure…
June 4th, 2011 at 11:03 pm
look, shes upset because she is so afraid that everybody will make fun of her, do not abandon her, she needs you, tell her how beautiful she is and how much she has changed, also tell her that if a guy doesnt want to go out with her then its his loss, give her time and ive her a lot of attention, invite her out after this and make sure that she has an awsome time. Look if u want me to talk 2 her i can try, ive always been good with this kinda stuff, but yeah, good luck
June 5th, 2011 at 12:01 am
Just tell your sister that you love her and only want the best for her.
As far as your grandparents go, if you think you need to tell them, than go ahead and tell them. The worst they could say is no.
Your sister may have some genuine mental issues that can only be figured out by a professional so that may be the only plausible way of solving this issue.
June 5th, 2011 at 12:08 am
Ok so your sister needs professional help, and fast. Yes she could die, but even if she does pull through she’s going to be in a bad position at any rate as she’s not receiving an education. You maybe need to talk to someone at your school, a counselor if they have one as they can give you some good advice about who you should be speaking to about this. Looks like the whole thing has gone on long enough and it’s only getting worse so you need to bring in some outside help. Try and talk to your parents, your sister is in a desperate situation and they need to be aware that if they’re not getting help for her they’re letting her get worse.
June 5th, 2011 at 1:00 am
You are a saint for caring so much! Your sister has some mental diseases that can only be fixed by speaking with a Therapist and/or being on antidepressants. If your parents have insurance, it might cover some of the cost. Your sister is begging for help, especially with her cutting right in front of you! Your mother might feel awkward about asking your grandmother for money. Try talking to your mom about a plan but make sure your sister never feels like she is a burden. Good luck.
June 5th, 2011 at 1:14 am
u should show a docter..seriously i know this is rude..but this is turning into madness.i should not say this but because of peer pressure there have been sucides as well
as a relgious matter of fact she should repeat the word radhasoami from her 4 chakras which are ….’ra’from the stomach hole…..’dha’from the heart ‘swa’from thr nrck bone where u can feel the vocal cords and ‘me’ from d 3rd eye……
if u dont belive me u should surf on the net by typing radhasoami..and u should read about the dayalbagh satasangis
June 5th, 2011 at 1:53 am
Hmmm, sounds like the hormone problems are hereditary. It also sounds like your sister has a serious chemical imbalance that needs to be treated. It has probably been made worse by puberty and her own problems with control, insecurities, etc. The cutting, the walking and the weight loss are about control. She feels like those sorts of things are the only things she has control over, and she freaks out if that control is taken away or put at risk. She needs serious help and therapy. Until your family decides to take her to a professional, there probably isn’t much you can do to help. Because you are popular and fit, she feels as thought you mock her, and there is no way you could ever understand her pain. You could try to ask her to explain it to you, but chances are she will feel like you are just trying to rub in how you have less problems than she does. All you can do is tell her you love her, you don’t understand what she is going through but that you want her to stop hurting so bad inside and out, and that she needs to seek professional help. There are probably some low-cost or volunteer services that could offer counseling to her. Just getting her into a high priced gym is not going to help, nor is losing weight, even though that’s how this all started. Her issues go much deeper than that and are obviously getting worse. By your parents not helping her, they are enabling her to spiral out of control and use her own insecurities as a crutch. It will only GET WORSE! Please encourage your parents to get her some help. She will not help herself, and no one there is qualified to help her.
June 5th, 2011 at 2:40 am
Basically, I think, she needs some totally new environment. The present environment is allergic to her.
Secondly, she can try to change her diet habits. Ask her to read lot of inspirational books. Let her pray for a while and others in the family can also join in some common prayer. Let her eat well and take adequate rest. If possible consult a good doctor. Take her to some greenery park like environment. She can be taken for evening walk. Give her some comic books.
Allow her to take interest in small small household work. Let her learn stitching, singing, yoga, etc. I mean her life style has to be totally changed and she should be able to take active interest in other household and social activities. Give her lot of motivation, encouragement and inspiration. Prayer does wonders. Whole family has to earn lot of good will.
June 5th, 2011 at 3:33 am
im really sorry about your sister, my older sister is 18 and im 16 to. she acts like you do and shes the think attractive one. im the chubby weird one. i used to be alot like your sister, i used to cry about my weight and stop eating for days. i blamed my mom and everyone for making me feel so worse and fat and ugly. i used to sit on my bed in the corner of my room and stare at nothing just thinking of all that stuff like that. i never talked to anyone at all. i barely talked to my sisters and mom and dad. i wasnt as bad as your sister is now. but i know how she feels. i always used to crave to throw tantrums and scream and cry but i would get hit for it or yelled at. so i couldnt and didnt. only in private. i used to think that ill never have a love, noone likes me, no ones ever gonna wanna be with me. im still kinda going through that. but not as bad as your sister. but the one person that kinda brought me up was my dad. it was crazy the one person i neer thought could do that. but maybe she needs to find that one person to do that for her. stricted, but soft, wouldnt let me yell or scream but held me when i cried or and told me dont think like that. she needs that person. thats what i needed. also i found out i might be bipolar. so now my moms finding me a good councelor to help me get through this. i dont know if this helped in any way. but i hope your sister will find her way. and im really sorry.
June 5th, 2011 at 3:35 am
The problem your sister is facing seems to be dramatic. This isn’t your casual problem where a simple talk will work. It sounds to me like she has self esteem issues. This is highly contrasted by you being better looking, and more stable. The low income of your family makes the problem even worse. I noticed how you said “high class gym” in your post, and it came off, to me, as if you wanted to be in that “high class environment”.
This seems to give a since of longing for a bigger income peer group. That also could be effecting your sisters depression. To be more specific, you could be on the short end of financial success. That would cause depression in anybody.
Next, I would look at your family support, and how it is applied to you and your sister. For a parent being “nice” is really only a perk. What a child needs is encouragement, stability, emotional support, discipline, and constructive criticism. Is your Mom giving those things to your sister?
For example: My Mom is very nice, never has a bad word to say, but if you have a problem its useless talking to her because she just tells you what you want to hear. Trust me this is very frustrating. Is this what you are dealing with.
Everyone gets picked on, I did, my friends all did, and the people I didn’t like very much also got picked on. Its the support at home which gives us strength to go out into the world and deal with it. ”
Everybody must get stone”
Two things: (1) it is not ok for your sister to hit your mom, ever. That has to stop, even if it means YOU taking police action on your own kin. Sorry if that hurts.
(2) If she is cutting into her arm then its an emergency, you should contact the public health department and get her some help.
Your right about one thing, this is serious, its no joke. You need to get her help, even if she is kicking and screaming all the way. My advice is to find the local health department, and contact them about mental health facilities. Find someplace your sister can get better before its to late. There are people out there who will care, and get her the help she needs.
If your grandma is open and not derogatory or mean then you have to ask her for help. Its your duty,
Hope this helps, goodluck to U and your family.
MJ
June 5th, 2011 at 3:49 am
Hello!
Well, I admire how your parents love your sister. It’s really about patience and understanding. They know how to love the depressed one…I wish I could be like them…
Anyway, that’s one thing, and to encourage is another thing that they should do constantly…If we show the way, then the more chance one can see it…
Mm, I myself lost my weight about 20 pounds after I have this diet:
Breakfast as usual – fruit on the day – little amount of dinner
Most of the time the carbohidrat has to be little portion.
I did swimming – but biking and strethcing is also very good to burn calories…there’s no need to go to the gym and pay for it…
Stretching is very good because it can send blood all over and our heart works pretty well…
Why don’t you copy and paste my advice – try …
I wish God give you and your family and also your sister to keep up – I understand you must feel stressed and the whole of your family; however, when you have passed this all – you’ll see nothing is impossible for God and you will remember it forever…
June 5th, 2011 at 4:24 am
Hi
I’m sorry for your situation. Sorry to be frank, but your sister needs SERIOUS help. She is depressed, abusing laxatives, cutting, withdrawing.
If nobody is helping her, then you must be the one to take the first step. She will know that she had a problem but may be too scared to admit it or get help for herself so you must help her. You sound a loving brother and it’s sad that your parents are not helping her.
I would go and speak to your doctor (?) or ring up a psychiatrist on behalf of your sister. To me it is seems that the route cause of it is her weight issues and lack of self esteem, in which case, medication may not be needed as a long term solution because the cause is probably not a ‘chemical imbalance’. Generally, depression caused by the environment is treated with ‘talking therapies’ and depressoin caused by lack of serotonin in the brain (the chemical imbalance) is treated with medication. However, sometimes it’s treated with both.
If your grandma pays for your gym membership, maybe she could pay for help for your sister. I know you mentionned that she does not believe in it but she really does need it.
I hope this helps
Take care, you and your sister
x
June 5th, 2011 at 5:17 am
You are trying to help your sister, and she does need help… I can understand, but your parents should step up anyway… you cant make them do that….
It sounds like besides the lack of parenting, your sister has hormonal imbalances possibly thyroid, that are deeply effecting her mood, weight and behavior…. bad enough in and of itself…
She needs help, and so do you… I guess you could report your parents, but that is not something you are likely to do, is it?
Anyway, here are some resources that I know work, and you should find some trained therapist, or someone to trust to help you…also
Share the resources with your sister, if you want to